Surf’s Up For Inner City Kids

From Penguin Press

President Obama recently announced a program aimed at helping inner city youth learn how to surf…that’s right, surf. The program referred to as, DWA or Dudes With Attitude, will target males between the ages of 12 and 18 who are most at risk of falling in with the “wrong crowd.”  The president, who occasionally hangs ten himself, thinks the timing is right. The president feels the debate on man-made global warming is over and the U.S. should be a leader in adapting to the inevitable changes that are occurring. “With ocean levels rising around the globe, in 3-5 years, many urban areas will be under water.  Teaching the disadvantaged how to surf will encourage them to make the best of a bad situation.” When asked how this plan would be paid for and implemented the President said this, “I’m calling for a task force and will appoint a Surf Czar to study which streets in which cities will be best for surfing…they will report to me within 6 months of their findings.  At that point I will propose setting aside 1 billion dollars to implement the program.”  The president plans to pay for this program by taxing oxygen use among the top 5 percent of the population based on income. “Let me be clear, the middle class and the poor can breathe easy…fat cats will have to pay their fair share.”

When asked how the government would monitor such usage he replied, “We are still working out the details…”

Not to be outdone, the First Lady, Michelle Obama, announced at a later press conference that she is starting a program to encourage young women to take advantage of the rising temperatures around the globe by wearing two piece bathing suits. “Young ladies should be proud of themselves…just look at these arms…” she evoked, flexing a bit for reporters.  “They should not be ashamed of who they are or how they look, everyone one of us is beautiful in our own way…and, two piece suits will be cooler, more comfortable as things warm up…it just makes sense.”

The first lady is calling her program, Two-Pieces for $2.99. 

Mrs. Obama would not address rumors that Oprah Winfrey was being tapped as the spokesperson for the program.

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